Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
