shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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