Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
MIDGETS
????
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
