weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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