if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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