so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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