I'll bet she douches with gravy.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize