apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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