Kareoke will never be a sober sport
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Betty ford says i'm here all night
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Damn victory sex feels great
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
