drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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