I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
