Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
