My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize