omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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