Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
