you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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