I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
