I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize