9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
