My room smells like vodka and shame
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
