so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
