Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
