just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
