I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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