Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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