I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
