I think my fart just growled at me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
