I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
this is an emotional support booty call
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
