ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
FUCK WHALES
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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