I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
