i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
