I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
