I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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