you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
