I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
