The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
