Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Randomize
