I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
