Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
