dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
