yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
