Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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