Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
