I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
