I'm drive I can fine osifer
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
