you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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