giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
