i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
