a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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