i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
