Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
