i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
