Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
