TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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