We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You were trust falling into bushes
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
