what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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