I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
