Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
