I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
