My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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