so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize