i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
