it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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