he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
