we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize