I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
