Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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