i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I will pee on everything he values.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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