oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
