swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
