For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
sex in a hospital.. check
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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