She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
