so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
