do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
