I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
