I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
