vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
