Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
