I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
