This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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