i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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