What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
