I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
