i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize