i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
