i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
