I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize