never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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