DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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