Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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