I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
