thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
