Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
