That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
