You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
