Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
