Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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