I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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