I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Vodka?
Forever.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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