No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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