You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
