God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
