My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
